Entry title: .confessions of the broken heart.
Friday, October 3, 2008 / 9:58 PM
who would stand it if your father takes priority on his nieces/nephews before his children? who would stand it if he's willing to sacrifice for others but not his own family? who would stand it if he keeps depending on your mother who's not consistently earning? who would stand it if he leaves everything to you just because you're working? not a responsible and understanding father?you think for yourself. bills,expenses,necessities will all be settled by me because it's my problem not his. do i or do i not have a father? if it's assistance which he's seeking for,then i understand.that's my whole purpose of working. but the thing is it's like digging from one hole and pouring everything into another. when he's in death's end,mum and i would be the one helping.but when he's flying,he help OTHERS!what the fish mann?!not fair!!! you dont have to understand.i just need to pour this out. it's been hurting me for so many years.keeping it to myself and mum. i told her i'm ready.ever since i'm 8.that makes it ever since 9 years ago. it's human nature.usual and expected.people do merge and then separate. i cant tolerate anymore.i cant take it.i cant leave her in pain anymore. i'm able to feel what she's feeling.being left alone in the dark,crying. no one would understand.no one would care.no one would bother. all they do is just talk and talk and talk. gossip and gossip and gossip. blame and blame and blame. kebaikan yang sentiasa dibalas dengan penuh hina dan fitnah. when we give in,people take in more and step on our head. so NEVER GIVE IN. not giving in doesnt mean you're mean,but you're just protecting your rights. i dont care anymore. talk all you want as we cant shut people's mouth. i frigging dont give a darn. if it's meant to be that way,then it's fated and will happen. i'll just accept it and learn to live with it. beloved sister's pitied but sooner or later,she'll understand. women must protect their rights. believe it or not.i won't feel a great loss because i know mum and i can afford to manage our own lives. now,my commitment's just focused on my mum and my sister. and my studies. i promised if anything happens,i wont let ANYONE to disturb my mum and sis. excuse me.apologies. fucked everyone off. and i've already told him,if i took the decision not to get married.then it's all because of HIM!
